Relationships and Conflict

This week is another hard one for me, as for many years when conflict arose, I withdrew. I would definitely have been classified as non-assertive. I hate conflict, even today, I try to avoid people who are in fights. They make me feel uncomfortable. Its as if I am stuck in the middle of two feuding armies and ask to choose between them.When this happens among friends or family, it is all the worse. As time has passed, though, I can now see both sides of an argument. When asked for an opinion I am then better equipped to give feedback. I still don't like it but I'm better able to handle my part in the process of resolution. 

A suppressed conflict that comes to mind was a content conflict, each of us were positive we were correct in our view. I eventually withdrew from the conflict. I thought, What's the point? She won't agree with me. I can't win this fight. I decided to retreat, simply because I was tired of fighting. The result was that we walked around each other on eggshells for a week or so. Eventually, after the emotions calmed, we talked through the issue and the friendship continued.

The other expressed conflict example could be any one of a million between my mother and I. These probably were all value conflicts, usually relating to MONEY. It has taken me years to find my voice with my mother. Do we still argue? Yes. Let just say now, we have the ability to see each others perspective on the issue. We can agree to disagree. Most recently, though, my mother has become as huge support for me. We have come along way in learning how to talk to one another, which I am gratefully for. We just keep the lines of communication open but still have an occasional hiccup.

Overall, I would say I have gone from nonassertiveness to assertiveness. This is a continual process for me and some days are better than others. The point is to keep trying. Isn't that why they say, practice makes perfect. I will always strive for perfection but I also realize sometimes I'm not. I'm okay with that, as long as I did my very best.

Just keep talking........ never close the lines of communication....for that is the only way conflicts can be resolved.